Wednesday, May 8, 2013

I Could be Talking to God: Which Woman Would I Be?


“I could be talking to God”:  my own ‘series’ of reflections that I could have/should have written instead of the one I did - thinking not of what others should do, but what I actually do do:  what I should do but don’t or shouldn’t do but do.  I ponder my own role and leave yours to you.  For the fact is, every time I open my mouth, I could be talking to God.

***

Written as my own ‘instead of’ to the post HEY WHITE FOLK

O God, the woman dressed so nice
to go out to dinner with her husband
the one who left her keys in his pocket
and stood behind the barrier of flesh
and prejudice
unable to do the tiniest thing of 
snatching the keys from his pocket
with a smile, a glint of the eye,
promise of things to come
back in the safe nest of their
own haven of love and goodness

that woman
the woman denied access
for the color of a skin
she cannot, will not, should not
hide

she and the other women
the white ones who walked by
pretending blindness
as she cried her shaming
burkhaed by their ignoring
into the oblivion of not

were I there, which would I be?

I want to be the hypothetical woman
the one who stops and stands with
(I am trained for that, you know)
who questions and insists and shouts
and speaks softly yet effectively

because I want to be the rescuer
but I wasn’t there
and if I were, who would I be?
For I am no one’s rescuer
that’s just the dreamscape
of my imagining where heroines
stride the land and look an 
awful lot like me

who would I be?
who would I really be?

I wouldn’t be her –
I am not sufficiently brown
to draw the stares, the sneers
I wouldn’t be her because I
can’t be her

but please, please, please, God
don’t let me be them –
the walking by ones

that’s my fear
the dread of my own closets
how easy from the sidelines to cheer
and shout and jeer

but were I there,
would I have been different?

Lord, I hope so
I pray so
help me to know so

help me to remember that
even though I wasn’t there
I am often there
that I am a human
and thus called to stand
with, be beside, solidify
myself to the hurting ones
the silenced ones
the pushed aside ones
the burkahed ones

help me to be, to become,
that woman
because I am there
because I am here

Amen


No comments:

Post a Comment