So What If I'm Not

Looking for a jump-started feeling of inspiration, I (being a woman of this 21st century), of course, go to Google and type in inspiration for today and find, of course, a series of images that promise to do just that.

Above is my pick from among the over 500 million choices I might have made: The future belongs to the few of us still willing to get our hands dirty.

It’s a catchy little thing, isn’t it?  And don’t you love the visual of the dirty hands?  I do.

But here’s the thing: I didn’t pick this one because it inspired me.  Quite the opposite, in fact: I picked it because it doesn’t inspire me.

What it does is make me stop and wonder why I would believe even for an instant that I am “one of the few” and why that would matter either way.

When it comes to this notion of changing our future, I fear I am not one of the few.

I’m not even sure there are a few.

There might be many or there might be none at all.

Either way, I doubt I’m among them.

So what?

So what if I am or if I am not?

Really – so what?

And does not the present require more of me than the future?

Can I really be in a position, dwelling as I do in the present, to dictate anything, including change, to the future?  And even if I can, should I?

Could things be better?

(of course)

Should they be better?

(probably)

Will they be better?

(I am not in a position to know)

The present tense is all I can inhabit.  It is where I dwell.  To ponder the future as if I were in a position to shape it . . . well, even to think on that makes me tremble.

The present tense is my domain.

I am struggling every second of every minute of it to inhabit it well.

From that struggle, perhaps the future will be better.

I know not.

So, seriously, I doubt I am or ever will be one of the few.

My own non-resolving New Year’s resolution: to inhabit my own peculiar lack of specialness with the comfort of old shoes and holey blue jeans and call that good and good enough . . . that’s me for today . . . tomorrow?  Who knows.